College Prep

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go to college. I guess the thought of getting away from Home and trying something new was exciting. As I am 8 months away from finishing my high school career, I more and more frightened by college. It might be that I'm more scared of not going to college, or that I won't get to go to the right college.

I have never seen myself going to an ivy league school. Too far away, too many people way smarter than me, and with a price tag I'll never be able to afford. Auburn University has been, and still is, my dream school. Auburn is my ivy league. My grandad graduated from there in the late 50's, my aunt and my dad went there in the 80's, and all of my cousins except two have attended. Auburn is my legacy.
I started my application last night and that is when I felt so inadequate. I don't have awesome grades, I haven't taken the ACT since sophomore year, and my extracurriculars are less than encouraging. Another huge hit to my self-esteem is that I'm not exactly prepared financially as well.

The plan for the last several months has been to do one semester at a community college, one semester at the Disney College Program in Florida and then finish my last 3 years at Auburn or Alabama or some other university. That has been the plan that not only pleased my mom but also gave me some sort of an answer. Practical, affordable, essentially smart. In reality, my heart only longs for one thing, Auburn.

Of course it is so silly of me to be hooked on a stupid school. Heck, I have never even been to the place. I look back now and I want to go back to freshman year and try harder, and do more, and be more involved, and learn more. I want to have a higher GPA and be smarter so that my ACT score would be better. I wish that I had saved and scraped and applied for scholarship opportunities. I wish I had done things better. Of course if I had $5 for every time I wished I could change the past, I wouldn't have to be wishing.

So here I am, September of my Senior year. I know what is in my reach and I also know what I want. What do I do? Do I reach for the untouchable? Do I settle for the practical? Do I try to convince my dad more and more to let me take out school loans? I know loans aren't practical, but I would rather achieve my dream and work the junk out later. What can I say, I'm a dreamer. Please pray for me and my parents in these next few months as I make decisions. Pray that they are wise and that they are the will of God.