Extending Grace

How do you grieve a friend that has grown away from you?

That won't give you the time of day and is making all the wrong choices.

How do you convince yourself that its not your fault, there is nothing else humanly possible to do?

Nothing but love would make her understand.

Some nights I cry.

Some nights I wonder what the Father has in store.

Some nights I just pray that God keeps her safe while I can't.

How do you stop judging and start praying?

How do you stop yourself from screaming at them, trying to make them understand how deep your love is?

How do you extend patience and grace when they hurt you and themselves over and over again?

Grace that keeps being shoved back in your face?

How do I love like the Father when I myself have had my fill loving what seems a brick wall?

How do you get over grief, guilt, worry, and pain in one huge emotional tidal wave?

Only God knows what will happen.

I just have to know that I tried my hardest and God WILL do the rest.

Growing more Virtue

    I am just awful at blogging! But I think I'm getting slightly better, no? Yeah, no.

          So a few weeks ago I wrote about Africa. I have spent late night searching for opportunities to go and serve. I have emailed a few place and have some responses but I kind of at a stand still with no passport (which I will be getting for Christmas. That's how you know you are a big kid :) ). I have had to push my mission trip back to July because I'm afraid it will be registering too late for March. I'm discouraged and it's getting hard to know if this is God's will.

          I fret constantly about doing the Father's will. I feel like I'm not good enough, or will not be good enough or experienced enough. Silly first world problems are getting to me and I am letting myself be too human and not asking God for help. Arguments with my parents, stress of school and work, and the close coming holidays seem to be ripping through me. I am being too much of a teenager, which I hate.

          I am worried that I won't hear from God but I am also worried that I am no listening well enough. Everything is getting in my way and I'm choosing paths that I know I should not. One chapter is drawing to a near and I am frantically trying to write the next one as well. This was not what I planned, but then I shouldn't be planning. God should be doing it.

          My spiritually fellowship has been dry lately. Don't get me wrong I have awesome friends and an awesome family that I under-appreciate. I just wish that there was more. More spiritual down pour. That is what I am longing for. Trying to speak through yourself and minister to others at the same time is hard. Loving others is hard when you have no Holy Spirit. Loving yourself is hard when you have no Holy Spirit. I need more Holy Spirit. As simple as that sounds, it is way harder to achieve. It is going to be hard but I am determined to ask for spiritual down pour every day. 

         The Bible tells us to 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways follow Him and He will make your path straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6) and to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4). It tells us to "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Psalms 27:14) and that "The joy of the Lord is our strength"(Nehemiah 8:10). The question is how do I combine all these things into my personality? In Proverbs 31 it talks about a virtuous woman, 

      "¹⁰Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. ²⁰She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. ²⁵Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. ²⁷She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.³⁰Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised". 

          This woman is who I want to be. She is treasured by the Father. She helps those in need. She is strong, courageous, wise and kind. She looks after her family and has not idle hands. Yes, she is the picture I want to mirror. To spread the joy and light of God. 

The Fruits of the Spirit are another thing I need to work on; "²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Oh, Lord please come fill me with Your light, love, joy, strength, peace, goodness, faith, patience and self-control. 

Help me to eat from the fruits of the Spirit daily and to know more about YOU!

 Please pray for me as I continue this journey to be a virtuous woman of the Father.

One Day

One day I'm not going to care what I look like when I leave the house.

One day I'm not going to be worried about finding the perfect dress or shoes.

One day I'm not going to be all wrapped up in who likes who and who likes me.

One day I'm not going to worry that I haven't had a shower or that I haven't updated my facebook status in a day.

One day it's not going to matter that I have a dead phone and a dead computer.

One day my socialistic-American-entitled-life is going to fade.

One day I want all my trust to be in HIM.

One day I want all my hope to be in HIM.

One day I want all my joy to be in HIM.

One day I want all my self-worth to come from HIM.

One day I want to love Him whole-heartily

One day I want my will to be HIS and my dreams to be HIS and my plans to be HIS.

One day I want to love like HIM.

One day is tomorrow. 

Trending -- Vlogging

So yep,

I'm going to be hip and make all my blogs video-blogs.

I feel like it captures the essence of me better!

The first one

Sorry about the poor video quality and messy room.

Yeah, I know it's 8 minutes but it would take you that long to read a blog right?

What do you think about it?

Like or dislike?

Let me know!

Falling for Him in Fall

I'm so bad at this blogging thing. I constantly say that I will blog once a week but I never do!

Fall has arrived in Alabama in such a rush for which none of us was prepared. One day it was sunny and 75 and the next rainy, dreary and 50. Don't get me wrong, I love the fall and every single thing about it. I love the weather, the trees, the holidays, wearing sweaters, cold nights, fires, everything.
I just don't like Alabama falls.

God has been knocking my socks off lately with his awesomeness!
He has provided me with a wonderful job and promise and hope for the future.

I'm now employed at one of the many chick-fil-a's in Huntsville. I honestly can not complain about it because I'm working good hours and it isn't complicated work.
I'm excited to finally have a job and a constant source of income.

People are kind of floored when I say I want to move to Uganda after graduation in 20 months.

This literally happened not quite a week ago. I was using my new favorite website, pinterest.com, when I saw an advertisement for this book called "Kisses From Katie".

Being bored and interested I do what all smart people do.

I went to YouTube.

I seriously want you to stop reading and look up Kisses for Katie on YouTube RIGHT NOW!

If you are lazy like me and don't want to go to all that trouble here is the link

Kisses For Katie

Were you moved? Did that video make you cry as much as I did?

Did it break your heart?

Well all of the above sure did happen to me and that is why I did MORE research and found this website:

Amazima Ministries

and then Katie Davis's blog:
http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

and then the most exciting website of them all:
http://www.Visitingorphans.org/

So it is decided that I, Alex Worlund, will journey to the beautiful and spectacular country of Uganda in March.

My plans may not be God's plan but I have told Him that I'm going to keep going with this til he tells me to stop.

I have talked briefly with my parents and told them that I don't really want to go to college now.

Much to my surprise, my parents weren't completely against it.

I would rather graduate and move to take care of sweet, little babies in Jinju, Uganda.

 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm. To give you hope and a future."

I'm seriously trusting in God to make these decisions for me.

I ask that if you are reading this, please pray that God will give me guidance and I will have a servants heart for Him.

Sometime I look at this opportunity and plan with amazement and fear.

Am I ready to leave my friends and family to go live in a country that will be so foreign to me?

Go to a place that is so very different then the luxurious place I grew up in?

A place that I will have to humble myself to the Lord every single day or I won't make it?

I look at all this and think yeah, I'm ready.

I'm ready to serve, help, comfort, love, hurt, with the people of Uganda.

I'm ready to stretch myself to places I'm not comfortable with..

I'm ready to clean, and work my tail off everyday to serve people less fortunate then me.

I'm ready.

Here I am LORD!

SEND ME!

Return of the Blogger: Matters of DC

It has been almost a month since my last post!

I'm seriously going to have to make reminders for my to post!

So in my last post I wrote some about my life in DC (I never get over saying that!) but since I have lost that journal in the abyss that is my life, I will just tell you.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Going to DC for a month was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done.

By the second week, I was done.

I wanted to high-tail out of that place as fast as I could.

I cried ... a lot

and pouted ... a lot.

I felt embarrassed that I missed my family and friends.

I never miss home.

I'm always the kid pushing my parents out the door.

But alas, I missed that place with such a desire I had never felt before.

Whenever people ask me how DC was or how my summer was I always say, 'Oh, it was interesting'.

Of course that gets questioning looks and I have to further explain.

I loved being in DC,

I loved the freedom,

I loved working,

and I loved being able do something important.

But the real bummer for me was that I didn't make any real friends.

I made what I like to call 'Facebook friends'.

They are the people that you add as a friend on Facebook, but that is as far as the relationship goes.

I mean the girls that lived in my room were great and everything but I didn't really feel connected to them either.

I didn't know why, but it hurt. 

That was the one thing I was looking for, a friend.

I felt lonely all the time.

It was like I was part of the group, but really on the outside.

I didn't find their jokes funny, 

I didn't relate to their stories,

and I couldn't understand why they did what they did.

I was the outsider.

I was the Republican, Christian, home-schooler from Alabama.

The way I acted was different,

The way I talked was different,

and how I lived my life was different.

I was different.

Just once I wished someone would have got it.

I wished that I could let go of me and some how be morphed into what those people thought was cool or interesting, or part of their group.

But I just couldn't do it.

I tried witnessing and following the crowd at the same time and, no-duh, it didn't work.

I couldn't be transformed to be of the world when I was trying to be of God.

I was just longing for acceptance.

As silly as it sounds,

I wanted someone to cry with on leaving day, as we parted,

but it didn't happen.

On the last night, I sat in my room packing, and crying, calling out 'God why am I here?'

I wanted leave right then and never look back.

I wanted forget that experience.

I wanted to forget that pain.

But eventually, I sucked it up and went out and sat with the group.

The smile plastered on my face hurt because I knew it was fake.

But for some reason I got up the next morning and wished that I had more time.

I don't know if I was trying not to accept that no one cared when I left or if I really didn't want to leave.

My parents came and got me.

The next week, I went home.

Home, Alabama.

The place I longed for.

I was finally home.

But homecoming wasn't as sweet as I wished.

I came home to reality.

I came home to loneliness.

Oh, how I wanted to be greeted back by everyone I knew.

I wanted to know that this was a safe place.

But it felt like a war-zone.

I then wished I was back in DC.

I called out to God 'Why? Why can't you just give me one break?'

Then it came into focus.

I learned things about myself that I never knew.

I learned that I can't go out in the world expecting my little slice of earth to follow me.

People are going to hate me, and as a Christian, I am different and always will be.

I will stand out and in this world that isn't a bad thing but it is hard.

The funny thing is, I still keep thinking, nay hoping, that, even a month after leaving my fellow pages, I could connect with one of them.

Then I realize, it just isn't going to happen.

This time, I didn't make friends, and that hurts so bad.

I'm the kind of person who longs for acceptance and it so hard for me to deal with if I don't get it.

An issue I need to give to the Father.

When I look at them, I wouldn't take back those 4 weeks for anything.

I would make myself better prepared and I would have a better attitude.

I would have tried tuning in to God better.

I would have done a lot differently,

but I am so thankful that I got that opportunity.

So there you have it.

For everyone who was wondering about my summer and had not yet heard the tale.

Quite adventurous and hard and wonderful and frighting all in one. 

NOTE: If you have stumbled across this blog looking for info about the Page Program, please don't let this discourage you.

This was just my experience that could be completely different for you!

The Page Program is a wonderful experience that can benefit everyone who participates!

Journal Entry: Week 1

07/12/11

Day 2, complete.

A little less stressful but only slightly.

I almost got on the Senator's only elevator twice.

I get lost every almost every run and still feel like I don't belong.

Every step, I feel that I am breaking a rule, yet completing a task.

Friday is our test and I feel so unprepared.

Tomorrow I need to do flashcards.

Someone gave me some today and it made a huge difference.

I had dinner with Mom and Mrs. Paige tonight.

I really enjoyed it!

We ate at Pizzeria Uno.

It will be my last time seeing Mom for a month.

Today, we got off work at 4:30.

Tomorrow though, I work late shift and there are 2 votes.

I see maybe a 11 o'clock night in my future.

I hope that isn't the case.

Everybody has been really nice and I've enjoyed the company.

07/13/11

Day 3, complete and I'm utterly exhausted.

Today we were running the whole day.
On our way back from ethics training we got caught in the rain and we soaked by the time we made it to Hart.
Not that fun.
But we did go into the woman's bathroom and dry ourselves with the hand dryers.
That was a funny sight I'm sure.

The Senate adjourned early today so we left at about 5:15.

Tomorrow we are supposed to get off early and Friday, if they aren't in session, the same.

Tonight, after work, some of us went to Union Station to get dinner and went to Pizzeria Uno.
Good food and reasonably priced too.
We were walking around and someone asked what Bojangles was.
I was pretty much in shock.

It seems weird that every where doesn't have the same places that Alabama does.
But everybody seems open to trying and learning new things.

I'm learning too.
I'm finding that Huntsville is a lot smaller then I thought.
Also, that everybody is raised different then me.
Some, a lot differently.

They talk about things that I would never even think about and say things I wouldn't say.
I'm learning, talking isn't always necessary.
Being quite can help you.

Friday is our test, and with help of my amazing Republican coworkers, I'm going to ace it.
Some people are worried and I feel like I should be too.
But I'm not.